Thursday, August 11, 2011

Around the Water Cooler


Office Politics.

Having a career/job is a way of life for most people. We gain a skill or trade by the way of college or on the job training. We are taught the "mechanics" of our role and left to do our duty. However, within those duties are the underlying variable of office politics. You know, the morning pleasantries, the holiday potlucks, the brown-nosing, the o_O, and the backstabbing. The notion of office politics is often made minimal by management and administrators. The office/cooperation/brand loves to portray the image of "one nation for all" and "we are family", but those of us with a job know better. 

It is the companies mission to produce a product ("product" is universal) therefore outward images are paramount. Behind the face of happiness is: Debbie Downer, Betty Backstabber, Kim Kiss Ass, Todd the Tattle Tale and Anna the Angry (Suzie the slut and Harry the Ho are in there too).

Debbie Downer - Nothing goes right for Debbie. The coffee is bad, the lights are too bright, the air is too cold, her outfit is wack, and she complains about every damn thing. Most days and most people want to tell Debbie to STFU or go play in traffic. Are you "Debbie Downer"?

Betty Backstabber - Betty is usually has the gift of gab but is dumb as hell. She's always volunteering for something, on every committee and knows nothing about nothing. Betty is usually in a leadership role or aiming for one. She sneaks around in every clique gathering information and ideas to sell as her own. This chick will lie to your face and lie on you. Her mission is to get to the top so get out of her way because she'll typically trip over herself because it's hard too keep up with all the BS.

Kim Kiss Ass - Kim has little to no confidence for many reasons. She's a people pleaser and quite annoying. She's usually tagging along with Betty because of their co-dependent nature. Most people don't like Kim and feel sorry for her at the same time. Kim is usually the first one at work and the last to leave. She's always pacifying and crying about something. If she wasn't so sorry, we'd ask her to play in traffic too.

Todd the Tattle Tale - We love Todd because Todd will "get with" Betty. Todd gets under Betty's skin and that makes us happy. Todd is easy to read and we often change to neutral subjects when he's around. He's pretty harmless because everyone knows to STFU when he's around.

Anna the Angry - Anna is quite the MF.We often ask, "Who pee'd in your cereal?" Like really, you can't be this mad at 8 a.m. but she is. Anna appears to be a well put together person, but she gripes about everything. Seemingly, she seems like Betty the Backstabber but Anna doesn't play games with management like Betty does. Anna curses and wails at customers, clients, and fellow co-workers. Research has yet to identify Anna's problem.

Suzie the Slut - The name tells it all. Suzie the slut has hooked up with everyone in the office. Suzie mission is to become a housewife. Suzie isn't interested in anyone's work, politics, or any of the like. Suzie uses what she has to get what she wants. Suzie is never in any office long enough to because she finds them, f*ck's them and leaves.

Harry the Ho - Harry the Ho is similar to Suzie but Harry's mission is to calm the nerves of the ladies in the office. He's handsome, charming and charismatic. He is often sub par on intelligence and quite lazy. He uses his will and skill to "dickmatize" his prey. Unfortunately, "digging" an office full of women can become quite messy. Because around the water cooler Anna tells Kim about Harry and the fireworks begin. BAM.

Who are you? Do you know any of these people?

18 comments:

Great article...I am not a fan of office politics. I just wish I could go to work, get the job done, and then go home.

Fun post--totally accurate lineup. I've encountered far too many Debbie Downers, Kim Kiss Asses and Anna the Angries. They're so common it's almost astounding, but they're mainly just plain annoying ... and insecure.

I've never understood the fear and/or vindictiveness among co-workers. It just seems to pointless and requires SO much more energy than just declaring what you want outright. I feel I already spend enough time with a 40+-hour work week that I have < 0 time to plan and hatch shenanigans.

It almost makes you want to create a lineup of the good ones, except that's not nearly as fun :)

LMAO! I absolutely LOVE this article :) You totally hit the nail dead on. I don't fall into any of those *thank God* but I do have to deal with all of those every week M-F. So what are we? I'm sure you & I play a similar role in the office. But I hope you get treated better. I'm 'Sick of this shit Sally' hah!

LOL @ .tupouleota - I am so "sick of this shit sally". Work politics get on my last nerve. I think Sally quickly turns into Anna when the shenanigans continue. lol

@ nitadee - I don't get why people are so mean either, especially at work. It's like they think that they were hired to make me personally miserable.

@B. - I wish I could go to work, do my thing, and go home. I should have majored in something that is isolating because this "team player" stuff isn't working for me.

i know all of these ppl and i hate kim the most! haha.

OMG!!!! I have literally LOL!!!! This post is funny and yet so TRUE!!!! Thanks for stopping by my blog & now you have a new follower... I have to support the ATL baby!!!! lol

~Please be sure to come back & follow my blog. All are welcome!!!!

I like the titles you have for the workers. Funny.

Poor Anna the angry be gang banging on bacon lol good post, and I appreciate your comment on mine. I'm feeling your work

I am office mind my own.

LOL but this was so true each of these can definitely be found in any office. Dang shame!

Wow! Great post. Sad & funny at the same time but so true. I think every office has every last one of those type of people you described. I work in an office enviroment and it is so crazy as to how much drama there is. My moto "Just do your work & go home. Leave all of the other bs behind and ignore it". I'm the type that speaks to everyone even if it's only good morning (when I arrive) & good night (when I leave). I mind my business and do my work. I definitely do not entertain office rumors/gossip. I don't even want to know because I don't want anyone putting my name in anything.

xoxo
Nique

http://chubbydivaonadime.blogspot.com/

OMG! How much do I relate to this post right about now?!
Thanks for your lovely comments on BLEURGH
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This post is to funny, but so dang true and I have experienced my fair share of each of them lol. I don't fall into any of these categories because I just simply stay to myself. I get the job done and that be it. I try not to feed into the ignorance, but I definitely have dealt with all of them one to many times.

Thanks for stopping by to visit and follow my blog. I appreciate the love and following you back. Looking forward to reading more :-)

Enjoy your weekend!!

What a great post! I actually have all of the above in my office (SMH)

Myeshia

Yes, I l know every last one of those characters. I really hate office politics. And it does not getter better as you get older...
Thank you for your sweet comment on my blog:-)

http://foodfashionandflow.blogspot.com/

These are the basic characters who pretty much stand out. You know there are sub-characters in the mix too. They typically show up around holiday potlucks are celebrations.

This post is hilarious and true. I am not big on office politics, but you can not hide that they do exist. I love your style of writing. I am now following.

Lynn

CARMEN VOGUE

This was such an entertaining read I absolutely loved it!!!! Now following :)

This was very enteraining I loved it good read!!! Now following

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